It is the dream of every SpikeTV producer that at some point during a season, the contestants trapped within the confines of the TUF House – in a moment of boredom, or distraction, or weakness – partake in the copious amounts of alcohol stored throughout the humble abode. There is, inevitably, when the booze starts flowing and the testosterone starts boiling, drama.
Guess what? Tonight there was drama!
But first, four of the remaining fighters must fight.
“I already beat him with a submission, so this time I want to beat him with striking,” says Zach Davis of his opponent Chuck O’Neil. Davis is brimming with confidence. He did, after all, defeat O’Neil in the quarterfinals with a triangle choke, so why shouldn’t he think that victory a second time is assured? “I want to show my diversity,” says Davis.
Striking? Diversity? Oh, the irony.
Soon the two combatants are blasting holes through doors and squaring off in the cage, and at the referee’s behest, they fight. Or, more accurately, O’Neil starts beating on Davis’ head like it’s an insolent speedbag. For two rounds the action alternates between Davis demonstrating a lifelong point-karate stylist’s prowess at dodging punches, the Team Lesnar-ite coming very close to sticking his fist down the Team dos Santos rep’s throat, and Davis hanging on for dear life against the cage. If their initial meeting was close until the submission, this one is about as much of a blowout as you can get without a competitor dying. When time expires, there’s no doubt O’Neil has earned the decision.
Afterwards, coach Brock Lesnar is ecstatic, and O’Neil is all smiles. But back at the TUF House, Davis returns from the doctor with sad news. Absorbing all those punches tore both his retinas, and though some quick laser surgery repaired them, his fighting future is in question. (For the sake of good taste, I will refrain making a “he literally punched his eyes out” joke.)
Then it’s on to the next bout, which will see Lesnar’s star pupil Tony Ferguson clash with Ryan McGillivray. Everyone thinks Ferguson is the best Team Lesnar has to offer, and few argue against the notion that McGillivray is among the Brazilian heavyweight contender’s worst. We’re again reminded of their respective backstories – right before he fights, Ferguson likes to get dressed like he’s going to the prom, while McGillivray likes to weep about his young daughter.
And then they’re fighting. Well, not really fighting as much as re-enacting that scene from Star Wars where the Death Star fires its big, destructive laser on the planet Yavin (where Princess Leia went to junior high school). In this case, Ferguson is the Empire’s deadly secret weapon, and McGillivray is a million souls all crying out at once before going silent. There’s a moment of circling, an uppercut, and some hammerfists on McGillivray’s dazed form, and then the referee is waving his arms in the middle of an asteroid field. Ferguson is the winner by knockout.
Dana White wastes no time picking the last batch of match-ups. Before the assembled TUFers, he decrees that Ferguson will take on O’Neil and Chris Cope will take on Ramsey Nijem.
Cue the booze.
Back at the TUF House, it’s Miller time. And margarita time. And tequila shot time. Everyone is partying like it’s 1999, and as usual Nijem is sliding out of his clothes and shaking his groove thang. But when Charlie Rader pours alcohol on an inebriated Ferguson’s head, well folks, that’s when it gets ugly.
Rader seems pretty cool with Ferguson tackling him, and when Ferguson escalates his aggression, Rader still manages to be cool. Yet it’s clear that someone cannot hold their liquor, or play well with others when the liquor starts flowing, and soon Ferguson is hurling the must hurtful insults on the most hurtful topic his drunken mind can think of. Namely, the son that – for whatever reason – Rader doesn’t hasn’t seen in a year and a half.
If everyone thought Ferguson was a nice guy before, they hate him for sure now, and all present agree that he’s crossed the line. Everyone does their best to calm Rader down, and everyone decides that Ferguson is akin to Darth Vader, Adolph Hitler and Osama bin Laden.
O’Neil, who must fight Ferguson next, declares that justice will be served. He will take Ferguson’s dreams away (which sounds more ominous than it should).
Oh, the drama. Don’t you love it? A SpikeTV producer does, and somewhere, he’s watching the episode unfold.
And he’s happy.