Last week, some dude grumbled, some dude cracked wise, a duo posed down and flexed, then hugged, then fought. Then someone won and someone lost. You know how it goes. On tap for this week’s episode is more of the same!
Cliques have formed in the TUF House, and the breakdown of the groups are as follows: the Incoherent Trash Talkers, which includes Brazilian mushmouth Diego Marlon Brando and the Swede; the Bible Fellowship, which includes the Reverend Dustin Pague; and, finally, the Gamblers, who spend all their time playing cards, placing bets on a makeshift roulette wheel and wagering on races between captured cockroaches. And, as with any set of cliques trapped in the confines of a house under constant surveillance, all is not peachy.
Case in point, the Swede, who bears some sort of ill will towards a slumbering Bryan Caraway Seed, and uses the American’s moment of vulnerability to run into his room and buzz a swath through his hair (a “shave-by”, if you will). A chase ensues, with the Swede retreating back to the safety of his clique-mates and Bryan Caraway Seed starting to look like a Flock of Seagulls band member.
But the pranks aren’t confined to the little TUFers. In episode seven, coach Mayhem “Actual first name: Jason” Miller had cranes surround Team Bisping assistant coach Tiki-Tiki Head’s truck with cement barricades. Now it’s time for payback – or, as Michael Bisping and Tiki-Tiki Head like to call it, “Rendering the TUF Training Center completely uninhabitable for human life” (because, you know, why not? It’s not like anyone has to train there.) Anyway, the prank involves trapping Team Mayhem in their locker room and discharging fire extinguishers until the entire building is a noxious gas chamber. Also, there’s a mariachi band. Oh the hilarity of watching grown men gag and cough and wonder where they’re supposed to work out!
Of course, as we’re in the semifinal stage of the competition, there’s no mystery to the match-ups, and we know next up at bat is Dennis Bermudez and the Swede. The Swede believes his foe isn’t too bright, and accentuates his feelings with drawings taped to the refrigerator, abstract drawings that depict owls speaking phrases that are supposed to mean something. (I’m not going to count that as a prank; too lame.)
Back at the TUF Training Center and it seems SpikeTV has shelled out the dough to have someone clean up Bisping and Tiki-Tiki Head’s mess. We’re reminded that Bermudez can wrestle, first with shots of him nailing takedowns, then with verbal testaments like Mayhem saying, “He can wrestle,” and Dana White saying, “Yeah, he definitely can wrestle.”
Meanwhile, the Swede still sucks on the ground, so Bisping drills him there. But lest things get too serious on this reality TV show, the Prank Monster again rears its ugly head. This time around Bisping is ambushed by his own disciples, with the Swede playing the role of the distraction as Marcus Brimage jumps on the Brit’s back and stuffs his sweaty jock strap into his mouth. (And in San Francisco, a bar in the Castro District erupts into cheers.) Brimage flees, so Bisping laughingly gets a modicum of retribution by assaulting the Swede with said jock strap.
Is that enough prankage for you? No? Good, because there’s more. Not content with making the Swede suffer, a visit is paid to the TUF House, where Bisping and Tiki-Tiki Head ambush everyone and spray them with silly string.
Unlike his opposite number, Mayhem still has designs of being an effective coach. To that end, he arranges for Bermudez to work with stud kickboxer Siyar Bahadurzada, who himself trained the Swede back in the ghettos of Stockholm. Or something. Anyway, it’s a sound method.
And then they’re fighting!
The Swede, we’re told, is going to have the edge in boxing, and we see in short order that that’s no lie. He begins putting knuckles to face almost immediately, repeatedly dinging Bermudez up and forcing the American to take shots from neighboring states like California and Utah. But just when the Swede hits Bermudez hard enough to spin him around, the wrestler lunges for a takedown, hoists him up and slams him. A short time later, sitting with his back against the fence, the Swede is caught in a guillotine. He taps out.
It takes a bit for the Swede to recover from the effects of the choke, and when he jumps back to his feet he has no idea what happened. Hey buddy, you know what happened? Too many pranks, not enough training.