Ahh, yet another epically awful movie featuring a handful of mixed martial artists. This one’s called Blood to Bone, and stars Michael Jai White—who’s done everything from making an appearance in Saved by the Bell to battling JCVD in Universal Soldier: The Return to having his smile widened two inches by the Joker in The Dark Knight—as the lead character who simply calls himself “Bone.”
Not interested? Well hold on, I haven’t even got to the good part yet.
You knew it was going to happen sooner or later…Kimbo Slice will be making his silver screen (or more like straight-to-DVD) debut in Blood to Bone, well, only if this Xmas movie doesn’t come out first. And guess what it’s about?
Oh, you’ll never get it, so I’ll just tell you…an underground street-fighting ring! Yep, Kimbo in a movie about street-fighting, although judging by the trailer it doesn’t look like he’ll actually be participating in one of these epic street fights. He only appears in the trailer as an inmate with his prison posse in tow armed with shanks trying to take Bone out.
Also on the cast list is Kimbo’s fellow CBS ratings draw, Gina Carano. She doesn’t appear in the trailer, so I have no idea what her role is, but Bob Sapp does, so I like to think Gina kicks the shit out of him and makes him cry, which is exactly what would happen in real life, you know, if women fighting men four times their size was socially acceptable.
Anyways, by the looks of it, this one looks to be on par with a straight-to-DVD Van Damme or Steven Seagal flick. It’s not quite on the level of the shitty Never Back Down/Lionheart hybrid, Fighting, but at least better than the porn production quality Never Surrender.
Oh, and by Golden Globe, did I actually mean Silver Turd? Yes, yes I did.