Whenever Nick Diaz actually shows up for a conference call, it usually results in comedic gold. Today was no different when Diaz went off on reporters asking him about fighting Mayhem Miller.

“I don’t like how people try to say that I didn’t accept the fight with (Jason) Miller because I was too small. I never said anything about that. I said if I’m going to go off track and screw with my whole season, it’s going to screw with my whole year, it’s going to screw with my capabilities of fighting at 170lbs. If I’m going to do that I’d like to get paid in full. I would like to have a reason for doing that. Not just do it at everybody else’s convenience… I’d like to get paid something extra. Double, triple, something crazy for me to do something extra that would screw up my weight to fight at that weight… I’m not just doing it for free when I’d make the same money to fight at 170lbs. It’s twice as much work… He can work his ass off and make 170lbs or 175lbs or somebody can pay me a (expletive) couple million dollars and I’ll move up to 185lbs and fight him. Or he can quit getting (expletive) slapped in public, I know somebody’s got that (expletive) on video tape. That mother (expletive) doesn’t want to fight me. Talking about he wants to fight me every chance he gets, he (expletive) told the media… (Manny) Pacquaio’s making 40 (expletive) million dollars, GSP’s making a couple million dollars. I’m over here (expletive) driving a Honda and my (expletive) breaking down? (Expletive) all you mother (expletive)!”

Well, I guess that answers why Nick won’t fight Mayhem. I don’t blame him for wanting to more money to move up in weight, but millions? That’s pretty funny, not even Affliction would be stupid enough to pay him that kind of money.

Image via Esther Lin for Strikeforce/Showtime

Update: Here’s Diaz’s thoughts on Josh Koscheck and Georges St. Pierre from today’s conference call.

“Josh Koscheck, I cornered a guy to fight Josh Koscheck, he probably had two fights in his life, and this fight he was set up to fight Josh Koscheck. They made easy fights for those guys. This guy’s got like six or seven fights, all easy guys. I never fought anybody like that guy that’s fought against Josh Koscheck,” Diaz explained.

“We’ve got some guy who doesn’t even fight, he drinks at a bar, and we took him to fight Josh Koscheck one day. He didn’t even know who he was fighting. I’ve never had fights like that. So when you bring up guys like that to me and tell me they’re the best fighters in the world, it’s a (expletive) joke.”

“Straight up, people think this guy’s better than me and it’s (expletive),” Diaz said about St-Pierre. “He just fought Josh Koscheck for (expletive) five rounds, I just told you about Josh Koscheck. Why are you saying he’s the best? What is that (expletive)? Because we fight for different companies?

“Right now, what do you want? You guys rank that guy above me. I want to fight GSP, but I think my partner (Jake Shields) will take him out regardless,” said Diaz.

Diaz may want a shot at the top welterweights in the UFC, but he’ll have to settle for Paul Daley if he beats Cyborg next week. Word is Daley gets the winner.

More Diaz gold from Sherdog.