Have you seen the weigh-in pics of UFC 141’s main event? If ever there was an example of two expertly-drawn comic book characters stepping off the pages and coming to life, it’s Brock Lesnar and Alistair Overeem, who seem to have taken the words “monstrosity” and “man-mountain” to the extreme. Seriously, they look like photoshops that North Korea would use as propaganda (“See,” said the late Kim Jong-Il. “We make superheroes. America will fall!”). Their physiques are so improbable in human beings, steroids have tested positive for “Brock Lesnar” and “Alistair Overeem” and been faced with suspension. They’re so huge, if the Hulk were to tune into Saturday night’s pay-per-view and see the former UFC champ and former Strikeforce champ enter the cage, he’d say, “Wait, what?” That’s right, folks, for the last UFC event of the year, Zuffa has gone big (heh-heh). There’s a compelling undercard there, too, with studs like Donald Cerrone and Nate Diaz set to battle it out while Johny Hendricks seeks to avoid getting engulfed in the living Slanket ™ known as Jon Fitch. But the world is tuning into to see two very, very large mixed martial artists do whatever it is they do in the Octagon. However, let’s preview it all, shall we?
-Brock Lesnar vs. Alistair Overeem – Over a year ago, Lesnar lost his belt in convincing fashion to Cain Velasquez when he realized he didn’t like the taste of Velasquez’s fists in his mouth. Since then, he’s been… I don’t know, illegally hunting in Canada and trying to keep his lower intestines from exploding? Dutch giant Overeem, meanwhile, turned in a lackluster performance against Fabricio Werdum in Strikeforce’s ill-fated heavyweight grand prix, and has had trouble urinating in a plastic cup in a timely fashion. What does that leave us for UFC 141’s main event? Either a thrilling – and short – bout consisting of Overeem laying Lesnar out with more violence than Velasquez could muster, or a painfully long example of one heavyweight laying on top of another for the duration. If I gambled, I’d place money on Lesnar winning by way of the latter method. Who knows, though. Overeem could catch him.
-Donald Cerrone vs. Nate Diaz – The great thing about Nate Diaz is he’s almost like his older brother Nick in terms of skill and ability. The bad thing about Nate is that he’s not enough like his older brother Nick, which means the TUF winner is vulnerable to guys who are capable ass-kickers. You know what? Cerrone is a capable ass-kicker. Since tapping out to Ben Henderson back in April of 2010, Cerrone has beaten everyone he’s faced pretty badly. Will Diaz out-box him? Nope. Will Diaz out-jiu-jitsu him? No way. The “Cowboy” is way too well-rounded to fall for anything Diaz throws at him, and I see him taking the decision after three rounds of pure beatdown. It will be exciting, though.
-Jon Fitch vs. Johny Hendricks – The last time Fitch was able to make someone tap out was 2007. Since then, he’s laid on just about everyone he’s faced with such force and determination, some states consider him legally married to those men. Will Hendricks be any different? Hell no. Hendricks couldn’t keep Rick Story from imposing his game upon him. As such, when Bruce Buffer announces the winner of the Fitch/Hendricks bout, he’s going to say, “…the winner, by unanimous decision, Jon Fitch! You may now kiss the bride!”
-Vladimir Matyushenko vs. Alexander Gustafsson – At some point, Matyushenko is going to have to call it quits. After all, he’s been in the game since 1997. To put things in perspective, Swede fighter Gustafsson was ten years old in 1997. This match-up isn’t about Matyushenko’s toughness and ability to wrestle and deliver a punch as much as it’s about HOLY CRAP THAT GUY IS GETTING OLD. Gustafsson is taking this one via youthful TKO.
-Nam Phan vs. Jim Hettes – Supposedly, Hettes is an ace grappler who’s “all that and a bag of chips” (are kids still saying that these days?). We all know Phan as a game TUF vet with black belt-level jiu-jitsu and fairly decent body blows. I guess the big question here is if Hettes can get Phan down, and if so, does he have the grappling chops to do something with him when he gets him there? I’m going to go out on a limb and say “no”, simply because Phan has had almost three times as many fights, and no one beats him by sub. No, Phan is taking the decision in this one.